I knew I had to face it eventually but when the day came, the truth was almost unbearable to face. Walking up the carpeted hallway, I saw her from the distance. As usual, she didn’t see me. Her face was lit by the cold, harsh light of her computer screen, her glasses reflecting one of the videos she was watching. Again. I had known for some time now that I wasn’t enough as a partner. At first, I didn’t want it to be true, but then I saw it. She was searching for inspiration, something I simply failed to give her.
When I finally reached her desk, she briefly looked up and twisted uncomfortably in her chair before a forced “Morning…” left her lips. She had quickly closed the website but I knew what she had done, there was no reason to hide it. “Look, Sarah, there’s something we need to talk about, something that has been on my mind.” I began while clenching my fists in the pockets of my jacket. Sarah stared at me expressionless and gave no sign that she understood any of the words that I was saying. “Fine then, talk.”, she snapped while shrugging her shoulders. I knew at this moment that I had lost her. It was too late to try to mend what was already broken. “Um, it’s alright, lets catch up after lunch.” “Uhu, whatever, fine by me.” She replied brusquely and turned facing her computer again.
We spend the day being with each other but not really being with each other. Later that afternoon, on a mission to grab some nuts from the kitchen, the fancy roasted ones we always kept in store for clients, I was looking for her. She had left her desk deserted for some time and I wanted to run an idea by her, the kind I knew would inspire her. Maybe that way, I thought, I could win her back. Smiling, I tossed one of the nuts in the air and tried to catch it with my mouth. It landed on the carpet and when I bent down to pick it up, I saw her. She was sitting with Nat. Nat, the slick guy from sales she had always liked. I froze and stared at them. They looked happy, touching glasses, laughing and talking animatedly. As quiet as possible, I got up and walked away. The nut cracked underneath the sole of my feet but I had forgotten about it already.